Because it’s like a part of the household in which a woman and children are not competent.
Because it’s like a part of the household in which a woman and children are not competent.
And men? Paradoxically, but the fact is that one’s own incompetence suits men! This is a special kind of protection against psychological overload. It is better to be a subordinate and a performer than to have trouble. Sometimes, however, the reasons are the usual laziness, lack of character.
If the husband did not want to put up with the situation of the subordinate and the family broke up, then the men themselves find it harder to bear this stress (in the first decade). Suicides related to the rupture are more among them, but the initiators "young" divorces are much more common in women. The secret here is this: it is easier for a young woman to remarry than for a young man. The peak of her attractiveness occurs at the age of 25, while in men – at a much later period.
In addition, young and mature applicants are suitable for young women. The latter are even more desirable. They have a position in society, material security, while the young man has all this only in the plans. Older marriage applicants have a higher degree of reliability. A young man, if he works but does not study, is not promising. The student is promising, but he has no income of his own, depending on his parents. Meanwhile, young men prefer young women (only in 27 cases out of 100 women are older than their husbands). After marrying a peer, the man values marriage very much.
Psychologist N. Kozlov, for example, explains the greater severity of the breakup for men and the fact that they have less developed communication techniques, they are harder to make new contacts. The energy of emotional stress in women is less, so the force of stress caused by loneliness, men are stronger.
A young woman usually uses this factor as a lever of power. Due to the fact that this lever is very strong, its action is used gradually. She practices:
1. First – test breaks with increasing tension:
a) silence; b) disappearance from home without notice for a short buy a compare essay cheap time; c) demonstrative march at night to parents or friends; d) application for divorce;
This is intelligence. If a man does not yield at low tension, high voltage is included.
2. A temporary rupture may occur:
a) in the refusal of the wife from sexual intercourse. In youth, sexual feelings in women are much less pronounced than in men, and are easily replaced by other needs. In conflict, female sexuality is easily suppressed, and a woman treats intimacy negatively. The man, on the contrary, shows an increased interest in sexual intimacy, he is looking for evidence that the woman still loves him, uses it as a means of reconciliation. An attempt at rapprochement in a conflict offends a woman and a man refuses (sometimes this is conscious "punishment" man for disobedience, with less sexual activity a woman can afford it). Refusal hurts male self-esteem. But attachment to a woman works. And so that in the future there will be no rejection, he becomes obedient; b) often a woman takes allies and feelings of jealousy. Demonstrates to a man the interest that other men show in her, hints at betrayal. For example, when a husband does not obey his wife in something, she stops talking, calmly dials a phone number and speaks in such a way that it is impossible to understand with whom. We are talking about a meeting. Let the man suffer and suffer over conjecture. After that, she can gather somewhere for a long time. c) the real betrayal – the precursor of a complete breakup and divorce, a blow to a man’s self-esteem. It is also a lever of power, but already extremely sharp for both. That is, this lever is dangerous for those who use it.
However, men still experience betrayal more severely, they are more jealous, their jealousy is mostly deep, women – inspired. If there is a child in the family, then "rupture stress" divorce with his wife is exacerbated by the stress of divorce. After all, in the event of a divorce, the child almost automatically stays with the mother, and she can set it against the father. For complacency, a woman uses this "formula": if the man left, he is bad, if I left, it is because he is bad.
Understanding all this, the man becomes more compliant. After all, if the loss of a woman can be somehow replaced, the loss of a child is not. This is an important factor and therefore a very important lever in a woman’s hands. In addition, the man understands that he will have to pay child support (which is often brought up in the spirit of hostility to him), get rid of most of the acquired material values, housing. And when a man wants to take what belongs to him, he can lose a lot in the eyes of society. As you can see, a man has enough reasons to be compliant.
The attitude towards a man who appeals to public opinion is quite ironic, and a woman’s appeal is perceived as a common phenomenon.
Women’s complaints make men more vulnerable and undermine their desire for leadership at least at work. After all, a leader in the eyes of society must be highly moral: complaints, therefore, can hinder his promotion.
The young man has almost no levers of power. Of course, not all potential opportunities for women to use the levers of marital power are realized to the maximum. And yet very often these levers are used. A woman, for example, categorically expresses her point of view, often gives a man a negative assessment in conversation with him and in the presence of other people accuses, ridicules, finds ingratitude in response to charity, practices mistrust and mystery instead of trust, etc. cultural, humane and women with great self-discipline do not use the levers of marital power.
But if a woman uses the levers of power to the fullest, in response, men capable of nervous behavior are constantly in conflict, demonstratively betray women, start drinking and, as a result, divorce. Men with a high sense of responsibility, love for children, who take their family seriously, often behave restrainedly, practice the tactics of cold tension.
The man finds himself in a difficult dramatic situation. Thus, the modern young man is not satisfied with unskilled housework and shallow care, control of the woman. He tries to avoid it. He explains to himself and his relatives that his task is to be a leader. Ready to go to work or even actively offer them. He avoids contact with his family, replacing it with his own affairs. He has at his disposal – hobbies, TV, sports. Auto-amateurism stands out: many men want to have a car so that their weight is felt in the family. Because it’s like a part of the household in which a woman and children are not competent.
The so-called internal emigration is developing. Gradually it passes into external emigration. The man aspires to male company, where instead of humiliation he will be respected. More and more often he comes home late. There are extramarital sex, which is accompanied by alcohol consumption. Sometimes a man does not come home, but at the same time he comes up with some incredible reasons, trying to avoid open conflicts and also not wanting to divorce.
After childbirth, a woman is forced to spend too much time at home, and in her heart she sees this as an injustice: because a man’s life is more diverse.
Some women in this period are disappointed with the real and imagined shortcomings of the husband, despite the levers of coercion, seeking divorce. In 68 divorces out of 100 in the first 10 years of married life, the initiators are young women.
At the same time, at the age of 25-27, the peak of attractiveness in women is behind us, although by inertia it continues to behave as in the period of its heyday. It is much more difficult for her to remarry. According to statistics, divorced women form a new marriage 3 times less often than divorced men. This does not apply to the youngest, by the way.
Thus, dreaming of a perfect marriage, a woman often destroys a real marriage. This is the fate of a leader who does not think about the future. Only disappointment awaits him. A woman between the ages of 25 and a man several years older is unlikely to remarry.
Most of these men are married or not yet divorced. Divorced people no longer marry or marry younger ones. Without knowing this, women look for the right age option for a long time, later either do not marry at all, or marry men much older or, conversely, younger than themselves (whom peers do not consider brides).
Thus, in the first decade (plus or minus 3 years) men are more active in fighting for the preservation of the family. Then there is a change of roles.
In the next ten years (plus or minus 3 years) a significant part of these levers passes to the man. Social status, income, which in total is more important for women when evaluating men, is growing faster in the latter. And all this can be appreciated not only by his wife, but also by her possible rivals.
By that time, the external attractiveness of a woman decreases, and a man – increases. We must also take into account the fact that a woman’s attractiveness to a man is more important than a man’s attractiveness to a woman. A woman, not having the time and desire to monitor their appearance at home, often looks worse in the presence of a man than in front of employees at work, which, of course, can not help but irritate him. In the first decade, the effect of this factor is offset by youth. But over time, a man’s sexual attraction to a woman dulls, for a man more important to a woman is novelty.
In women it is less pronounced. Sexuality of women increases with age (with a decrease in external sexual attractiveness), sexuality in men decreases. Therefore, the lack of intimacy is more easily tolerated by men and more difficult by women. Now the refusal of intimacy is in the power of the man. Add to this the growth of a man’s income, he is financially independent of a woman. There is an opportunity to have "extra money" which can be disposed of at their own discretion, they can be used for entertainment (without a wife).
Another factor is that the children have grown up. They now assess the situation in the family more objectively and often take the side of the father on the principle of justice. In addition, as adults, children seek independence from their mothers.
The growth of a man’s formal official status is often accompanied by a change in the informal status.